When I’m Feeling ___________________

Our best research is telling us tiny changes can have remarkable results. Gratitude has been called a miracle. We’re not entirely sure the reasons why, but the practice of giving thanks for small, specific things can have a dramatic impact on our entire beings: physically, mentally, emotionally. And for that matter, stopping to practice breathing affects us more than we might realize as long as we have these bodies. 

In the same way, there is something magical about creating the space to recognize our feelings and developing the learned skill of naming our emotions. 

That deceptively simple light-bulb moment, “A part of me is feeling ________________,” can alter your mood and mindset far more than you might think. 

We say “a part of me,” because as Susan David points out, the secret here is realizing that you are not your feelings. A part of you may feel or think a certain way. But that doesn’t define who you are. 

You’re not angry. A part of you is angry. 

You’re not a liar. A part of you is afraid and is avoiding the truth to protect yourself. 

This might sound like mincing words. But learning to engage with your emotions can be life-changing for many of us. 

Emotions are data; they are signposts, and we need to learn how to read them because they affect us far more than we are consciously aware. Our thoughts affect our emotions, and our emotions affect our thoughts. 

Emotions are what Martha Nussbaum called “geologic upheavals of thought.” That is, if you want to understand what’s happening under the hood of your heart, emotions are your most helpful diagnostic tools. 

Emotions are like the check-engine lights on our dashboard. Our emotions help us understand what’s driving us. They are, after all, called e-motions. Where there’s energy, there’s an emotion. So it’s always good to stop and ask, “Where’s this energy coming from?” 

The quest to grow in self-awareness is not possible without developing our emotional vocabulary. Unfortunately, for many of us, our emotional vocabulary is limited to mad, sad, glad, and scared. Just four words. While most of us can list more than four emotions, few of us have the practiced skill to identify and name the varied, precise emotions we are feeling in a given moment. 

Naming is an essential part of awareness. “Name it to tame it,” Dan Siegel wrote in his parenting book, The Whole-Brain Child, about helping young children learn to regulate their emotions. But naming doesn’t just help small children. Brene Brown says naming is like an emotional super-power. 

Like gratitude and breathing, naming may seem like a small thing but it has a profound impact. When it comes to learning how to name our emotions, we need help. 

You could put an Emotional Awareness Wheel on your refrigerator. You could start keeping a feelings journal. 

Most transformative, you can begin training to name your emotions in God’s presence. We can learn to pray our emotions.

If all of this sounds new-fangled, the Bible is our ancient and trustworthy guide in naming the full spectrum of human emotions. If pouring out your heart and soul before God sounds easy, then you’ve probably never done it in a meaningful way. But there’s something remarkably freeing about turning to God’s word to give voice to the cries of our hearts.

No matter how we feel, we find in the Bible not only a vocabulary but also the promise from God that He meets us in sympathy and solidarity in our distress. His word gives us an anchor to soothe and steady us when we feel tossed and turned by the waves of our emotions. 

And feelings are much like waves. We can’t stop them coming. But we can choose which ones to surf. We can choose to ride them out or let them rise and fall and wash over us, without overwhelming us.  

Sometimes we fear that naming our worst fears, our most unpleasant emotions, or talking about them openly, may give them power. But just the opposite is true.

Naming defuses the power of our emotions to unconsciously hijack us. Naming disarms and helps regulate our emotions. Mr. Rogers understood this. He famously said, 

“Anything that’s human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable. When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting and less scary.”

We put the following lists together so that when you find yourself feeling a certain way, you might find new language with which to talk about your emotions, as well as comfort in God’s promises and presence.